Brain Ein von Kleves (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lovedthemost) wrote2023-08-20 05:26 pm
lovedthemost) wrote2023-08-20 05:26 pm
Entry tags:
INVENTORY
KEEPING
B-Team: -- A black and white satin letterman jacket. It has a big white B on the back! I wonder what it stands for?
GameChild Plus: -- A small handheld gaming system with ten available games and an ever-dwindling battery life. x2
Chocolate Strawberry Oasis Pie: -- A silky, bittersweet chocolate pie topped with fresh strawberries. It tastes heavenly. x1 one left
Alto Saxophone -- It's just an alto saxophone. It might've been magical once, but it sure isn't now.
The Boss: -- Ergonomic, rated for 8+ hours of sit time, perfect for racing your friends down the hall. (x2)
Fire Extinguisher: -- A fire extinguisher. You never know when one might come in handy.
Cherry Blossom Bouquet: -- A collection of branches from a sakura tree. In the language of flowers, cherry blossoms represent "a woman of superior beauty".
Bunny Earmuffs: -- One of the most popular items from Gothic Lolita designer Ina Bauer.
Brain in Wonderland: -- A copy of Alice in Wonderland, except Alice’s name has been replaced with yours. That’s the power of public domain, baby. x2
The Good Stuff: -- A bottle full of large white pills. The label says "Oxycodone."
Pringles: -- How do they get them shaped like that HOW DO THEY GET THEM SHAPED LIKE THAT HOW DO THEY G-
Holo Nail Polish: -- A bottle of holo nail polish. It's like a little galaxy for your fingers and toes. x2
Nail Polish: -- A small bottle of silver nail polish.
Hand Sanitizer -- A bottle of alcohol-based hand sanitizer. It kills 99.99% of germs.
Giant Cherry: -- This looks straight out of an arcade game - but it's edible!
Holiday Sweater: -- Dear god this thing is tacky, but it's fluffy and warm. x2
Apple Cinnamon Brew: -- A frozen apple-cinnamon drink with marshmallow foam, served in a plastic stein with a cartoon muscleman on it.
Tarot: -- A deck of tarot cards. Even if you don't believe they can tell the future, the cards are a work of art. x2
The Lyin' King: -- A soft lion-skin rug. Take a load off, have a nap, watch out for wildebeests.
The Fox and The Hound 2 DVD: -- A DVD for "The Fox and the Hound 2: The Fox and the Hound Start A Band". Good thing you can't play it.
The Devil's Eye: -- The world's biggest diamond...a replica of it, at least.
Childchime mini cheese wheel: -- A tiny wheel of cheese in a bright red wrapper. The label has a picture of a smiling cow.
At-Home Planetarium: -- A glass ball that lights up and projects stars! Doesn’t work if the room is too big or if the lights are on, though.
Toy Car: -- A small, RC car! Race them around!
Glasses: -- They say that wearing these while performing incantations will help you better speak with the target of your spell.
Iver-Johnson .32: -- Rubber handles, owls stamped on the sides. It's unloaded.
A tiny car: -- A tiny red convertible. It's powered by pedals like a bicycle, with a steering wheel. For some reason it makes you think of old men in silly hats. x2
Kitten Hairclip: -- A hairclip in the shape of a little kitty cat. Properly placed, it can make a girl positively sparkle.
Hand-Made Paper: -- Just a loose stack of really fancy bespoke paper! To make those letters you write in case of your death really pop, you know? x2
Fancy Lotion: -- This shea butter lotion is very creamy and smooth. Smells like vanilla. (x1 vanilla, x1 coconut, x1 mango)
Slippers: -- A pair of sturdy moccasin-style slippers. They're very soft on the inside. x3
“Extra-Large Spice Grinder”: -- It’s. It’s just a full-on Medieval-style mace.
Glitter Cannon Refill: -- Refill rounds for a glitter cannon. They'd probably break open if you threw them with enough force anyway. given to Heart to deface the gym
Rockport Signature Wine: -- A mediocre white wine with notes of white peach and passion fruit.
Feel Good Gummies: -- A small bag of leaf-shaped gummy candies in mango flavor. Makes you feel reeeeeeeeal good after a long day but maybe only eat half to start then wait 30 minutes.
Adjustable Stilts: -- Takes roughly a minute to put on. Can be adjusted to provide anywhere from 2 to 5 extra feet of height.
Fanny Pack: -- Looks disgustingly tacky, but at least it holds your stuff. x2
White Opera Gloves: -- A pair of long satin gloves that are perfect for a night out at the opera! This pair is a classic white - try not to stain them.
Season 5 Notes: -- A futuristic-looking digital tablet with personal notes and observations.
Bobby Pins: -- There are so many yet not enough and they are Everywhere.
Prince Shotoku's Globe: -- A spherical representation of Earth, about the size of a softball. Some believe it to be an "OOPArt" since it depicts a round Earth, despite being many centuries old.
Flower Witch's Familiar: -- Awww what a pretty potted flower-- wait hang on. There's a mouse in here?!
NSAID/Mild Painkiller: -- A small bottle that says NSAID pain reliever/fever reducer on the side. Contains about 20 pills.
Fresh Bindings: -- Strips of cotton cloth. They were once commonly used for underwear and bandages. They say when you wrap it around yourself, both body and soul become taut.
Cloth Bandages: -- Plain bandages made out of plain white cloth.
Chess Set: -- Oh yeah, it's big brain time.
Zodiac Shirt: -- A plain black T-shirt with a Aries symbol on it in burgundy.
The Lizard and I: -- A small green lizard. Yes, it's alive.
Playing Cards: -- A deck of completely normal 52 playing cards. Absolutely nothing weird about them.
10-ft Pole: -- A pole made of a very hard wood EXACTLY 10 feet long. Weird that they don't sell these longer than 10ft.
Donut: -- These donuts are great! Jelly-filled are my favorite! Which is to say yes, this is a single jelly-filled donut. It doesn’t even look suspiciously like any other kind of food.
Beignets: -- The best in all of New Orleans! x2
Cola Cola: -- Contains a highly stimulating almost addictive sweetness. Pair it with some nice junk food for a can't-miss combo.
Crimson Ox Energy Drink: -- A slender can of energy drink. The label says Crimson Ox.
Taser: -- Useful for self-defense! x2 (2 others stolen by Heart)
Death Note: -- A black notebook with the words DEATH NOTE written across the front. The first page reads "The human whose name is written in this note shall die." Luckily (or unluckily) it's just an ordinary, if edgy, notebook.
“Letter Opener”: -- A serrated combat knife that wouldn’t be out of place trying to survive in the wilderness.
Sprite: -- A replacement lemon-lime soda that will not scare the children!
Nunchaku: -- Also known as nunchucks. Careful you don't whack yourself in the head with them!
Fuzzy Socks: -- A pair of extremely soft socks.
Shovel: -- A normal shovel. For digging. You know, with all the dirt you have access to--wait, you do have dirt here!
Sleepy Apple: -- An apple that induces drowsiness if bitten into.
Bearies Creme-Filled Cakes: -- A box of yellow creme-filled cakes. The cakes themselves are moist and beary delicious.
216-kun: -- It's a cute robot that only speaks Latin; strangely, it's covered in all sorts of stickers and Japanese writing that bless it with safe travels, but maybe the camera drone on its head and its other recording capabilities make it a travel blogging bot? A gift from Subete.
Suspicious Toolkit: -- A set of basic carpentry tools (hammer, screwdriver, some woodworking tools, pliers…) in a tool wrap that has old blood stains on it…? A gift from Shin.
Whiskey (Shitty): -- A bottle of off-brand, shitty whiskey.
Fireworks: -- Light up the night sky. WARNING: Do not light indoors.
100 Paper Clips: -- It's quite literally a hundred paper clips, all linked together in one very long chain. x2
Cookbook: -- A cookbook written by the famed chef Auguste Gusteau titled "Anyone Can Cook".
“Almond Flavoring”: -- A tightly-sealed vial of some kind of powder with a skull and crossbones on it and a very direct warning label informing the reader that it’s Literally Just Cyanide.
Business Casual Ensemble: -- Comes with a green shirt, tailor-made, and probably more high-quality than most things you've seen in your life -- someone will be ready to take capitalism by storm. A gift from Subete.
Hair Gel: -- A tin of hair gel. Use it to keep that 'do looking good!
Donut: -- These donuts are great! Jelly-filled are my favorite! Which is to say yes, this is a single jelly-filled donut. It doesn’t even look suspiciously like any other kind of food.
Hirshey's Physical Affections: -- A bag of small, bell-shaped chocolates. The tag sticking out of the wrapper says "Physical Affections". x2
Long Saw: -- A large handsaw with a long handle, perfect for sawing through bone. A gift from Shin.
"If" Fax: -- Used to distribute a full-length novel based on what the world would look like if all of someone's dreams came true.
Towel: -- Fluffy and warm and dries like nobody's business. Always know where it is.
Crowbar: -- Perfect for opening things or acting as a melee weapon in a pinch.
Nut Basket: -- It's a small wicker basket full of mixed nuts on a loving bed of green easter grass. x2
Riding Crop: -- A type of short whip used primarily to make attorneys shut up.
92-kun: -- It's a cute robot that speaks Japanese; it's a very simple design with treads and arms, and seemingly is only interested (possibly too interested) in putting your shoes away. A gift from Subete.
Blueprints: -- Oh hey, it’s blueprints on how to make a time machine! Would be useful if you had the mechanical know-how to build this.
Velvet Cape: -- A full velvet cape, perfect for swishing around and pretending you’re either an old-timey aristocrat or a vampire. Also useful if you wanna get a LARP started in here.
Airlocked! The Complete First Season: -- Remastered and released in SPURAY format (Space Blu-Ray). Includes promotional materials about all 23 Champions and highlights from the web-based bonus content!
Maglite: -- A pen-sized flashlight. For some reason, the light inside is blue.
Bag of Ball Bearings: -- A cloth sack with 1000 ball bearings inside. Looks like it might make a 10ft area difficult terrain if dumped out.
Crimson Ox Energy Drink: -- A slender can of energy drink. The label says Crimson Ox.
Weighted Companion Cube: -- The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.
Reusable Water Bottle: -- A hard plastic reusable water bottle that has "if there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what" emblazoned on the side in a rather hard to read script. Fun and environmentally friendly! x2 with second one saying "saw a snail today...effervescent" on it
Wing Flails: -- A two-set of spiked, three-pronged flails.
Tea: -- A tin full of loose leaf tea leaves. The smell reminds you of home.
Krazy Gloo: -- Caution, may adhere to skin. Dries instantly.
Red Vines: -- Share one with your new best friend. Red Vines- What the hell can't they do?!
Easy Bake Oven: -- It's Kenner! It's fun!
I Hate My Husband Pie: -- A bittersweet chocolate pie drowned in caramel. It tastes delicious but it leaves you feeling a little miserable afterwards.
Picture Perfect: -- An instant polaroid camera. Great for some hella tasty selfies.
Thermos: -- It's a Thermos. Good for storing soup and other warm fluids.
Fake Blood Capsules: -- Scare your friends (and enemies) into thinking you've been stabbed, cut, grievously injured, so on and so forth!
Playing Cards: -- A deck of playing cards. It has a sticker like it's from a casino, but it's not any casino on Earth.
GNU TERRY PRATCHETT: -- A first-edition book by a beloved author. This one is Lords and Ladies, book 14 of the Discworld series.
Million Dollar Suitcase: -- Supposed to be used to carry a million dollars for game show purposes, but right now, it's empty.
DISCARDING
A Gallon of Seawater: Literally just some seawater spills out onto the floor. Why this?
Ancient Tour Tickets: -- Two tickets that advertise "a whirlwind tour of Mu with the Ancients for four days and three nights!"
Lotion: -- A scent-free lotion, moisturizing for both face and body. (x3)
Hand Bra: -- Who the heck left this in here? It almost seems like it belongs in a whole other world.
Zantetsuken: -- A sword that can't even cut through iron. Or flesh. Or anything, really. In other words, totally useless...
Bootleg Bear Plush: -- A plush of some strange bear that’s black on its right side and white on its left, with one poorly-stitched red eye. Who is he? Why is he here? He has a terrible aura...
Wolfjob: -- A 3D model of a wolf giving a guy a handjob. Pawjob?
(Thrown in the lake.)
Chicken Suit: -- That's no man, THAT'S A GIANT CHICKE wait, no, it actually is just a weird suit. x2
Origami Instructions: -- A book of instructions on how to fold paper into cool things! Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually come with any paper. x3
Rubber Mask: -- REMEMBER ME, EDDIE?
Sopor Slime Pie: -- This. This looks radioactive. Who would ever actually eat this. If you do, you're gonna be doing nothing much for a few hours.
Toy Truck: -- A toy truck with a little rocket affixed to the top - blast off to Pizza Planet!
Quinao Quties: -- An adorable stuffed animal that resembles a bat. Better collect them all, they might really be worth something one day!
Odyssey Brand Condoms: -- Ultra durable for the long haul. These ones are blue raspberry flavored! x2
Otamatone: -- Play it as loud as possible to annoy your friends. x2
My Son: -- Your son now. (lollipops kept, rest discarded)
Halo Holder: -- Crude headwear consisting of a headband and a clothes hanger. The halo it holds isn't real, but it catches the light pretty nicely.
Doc Terminus's Miracle Cure: -- What is this? Smells like piss. Looks like piss. This is piss. Piss with ink.
Trumpet: -- It's a trumpet, for people who like to toot their own horn.
Possum Park Hat: -- A hat that looks like some sort of dead upside-down possum.
Bolt DVD Set: -- A DVD of a show about a dog who has superpowers. It's a shame you can't play this.
Rockport Signature Brand Conditioner: -- A 16oz bottle of conditioner that smells of kiwi.
Luigi Portait: -- Framed and adorned with a banner that reads “NEMESIS”.
Pirate Hook: -- Huh, hopefully no one will be needing this.
Cross: -- A simple black wood cross hung on a string of glass beads. x2
Conch Shell: -- A seashell that lets you hear the sea if you hold it to your ear. Does not predict the future.
Edelweiss: -- A small white flower contained in a glass vial. It'll greet you every morning.
The Ultimate Treasure: -- A pair of tickets, apparently to a show called Hamilton. Gamzee slides them over with an odd air of reverence. x2
Hatbox: -- It's... an empty hatbox. Huh.
Don Juan Triumphant: -- The book and music to a show called "Don Juan Triumphant".
Freeze-Dried Ice Cream: -- Pretend you’re an astronaut! Only available in vanilla, but there's an ad on the back for other flavors.
Personal Lubricant: -- A small bottle of some kind of slick gel. It tastes like lemon lime.
Cup Noodle: -- The perfect, self-contained meal. In delicious beef variety.
Onepiece: -- A simple one piece women's swimsuit. Not actually all that sought after by pirates.
Baguette: -- MARIE! THE BAGUETTES! HURRY UP! x2
Half-mask: -- An elegant mask that once covered the Lady’s face. Very steampunk, but light and striking. A gift from Lucrezia.
Mink Coat: -- An oversized coat. Wearing this makes you feel like killing adorable puppies.
Thresh Prince Poster: -- A large poster for an old TV show starring Troll Will Smith. x2
A Crystal Skull: -- A skull carved from pure rock crystal. Some think skulls like this were created hundreds of years ago, perhaps with alien intervention.
Non-Descript Golden Man Award: -- A gold statue of a blank man, sized to be held in one hand! A sign on the bottom says it’s for… Best Grandma? Unfortunately it’s not even made out of gold, it’s just gold-painted bronze.
Table with Human Legs: -- Good craftsmanship, but are those taxidermied Frankenstein legs? Too cursed for an image. A gift from Shin.
Demon Angel Princess Figure: -- A collectible figure of Princess Piggles, the popular heroine from "Demon Angel Pretty Pudgy Princess".
Memorabilia Shirt: -- "I survived Wonderland and all I got was this lousy shirt."
Gershwin Groundhogs Mascot Suit: -- A mascot suit for those of you who have always wondered what it's like to predict the weather. It's old, a bit musty and threadbare in a few places but comes with a full body suit and mascot head. One size fits all. x2
Unnecessarily Douchey Outfit: -- Comes with the pants in olive; you really feel like somebody probably wore this to a gathering where nobody wanted to see them. A gift from Subete.
Luxo Ball: -- This yellow bouncy ball comes with a red star and blue stripe design.
Unfun Dip: -- This colorful packet contains a delicious Lick-A-Stick and a bunch of strange black powder, which the packaging claims is one of 76 fun flavors! Can you solve the mystery?
Inflatable Crocodile: -- An inflatable crocodile that one can lounge on! Love the crocodile. Be the crocodile.
Inflatable Swimming Pool: -- A blue rubber swimming pool. Too bad it doesn't come with an air pump to inflate it with.
Special Apple: -- An apple which has been crossbred with horseradish.
Berserker Armor: -- Donning this armor bestows the wearer with immense power, but at the cost of their soul and senses.
Toxic Waste Barrel: -- Maybe you should just dispose of this. Quickly. x2
Adorable Reactions Collection: -- A DVD that contains footage of people reacting to various pieces of art.
Green Origami Rose: -- It's just an ordinary origami rose, but who wants a green flower, anyway? A gift from Subete.
Lemonade Apple: -- This oblong imposter from New Zealand’s Yummy Fruit Company does not taste like lemonade. It does, however, taste like a regular apple that was accidentally dropped in lemonade. This may come as a disappointment since, with its bright yellow exterior and snappy branding, you’d expect the Lemonade Apple to send you into a citrusy vortex of cockeyed hysterics, forcing your brain to cope with a contradiction of fruity discord that leaves you penniless and naked on a street corner begging pedestrians to slap you back into what you once considered reality. However, maybe we don’t need such extremities in these troubled times. Great for gift bags! x2
Dinglehopper: -- Humans use these little babies to straighten their hair out. See? Just a little twirl here and a yank there and voila.
Target Practice: -- A target from a shooting range. This one depicts a figure wearing a tall hat of some sort. There's a bullet hole through the head.
Hello, My Name Is ____: -- An empty nametag, with some glitter markers and fun stickers to decorate it.
Mini Sun Lamp: -- A miniature sun lamp. It perfectly imitates the conditions of Earth sunlight, but it's no substitute for the real thing.
Hat Trick: -- A snazzy purple tophat. x2
Tumbleweed: -- A dried-out plant seen in many Western films. If they pile up around your yard, just toss 'em off a cliff or something.
Conch Shell: -- A seashell that lets you hear the sea if you hold it to your ear. Does not predict the future.
Rockport Signature Brand Conditioner: -- A 16oz bottle of conditioner that smells like honey.
Rations: -- A set of military rations. At least they’ll never go bad?
Colonel Sassacre's Guide: -- You could kill a cat with this thing.
Monster Finger Puppets: -- Everyone loves these guys!
Magic 8-Ball: -- Tell your fortune, as vaguely as possible.
Pair of Stained-Glass Doors: -- IT'S JUST A WHOLE-ASS PAIR OF DOORS (NICELY MADE AND ANTIQUE), WHY ARE THESE IN HERE? A gift from Subete.
Lemon: -- This is a lemon.
The Niquened Cagellow: -- A lovely pillow with red sequense on one side. Don't worry about what happens if you run your hands over those sequins...
Oxy-Clean: -- BILLY MAYS HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT OXY-CLEAN-
A Weed: -- something something green crayon
Ten-Gallon Hat: -- A hat perfect for wearing in a western - or on stage singing country music. Yeehaw!
Rubber Ducky: -- You know the one. It makes bathtime fun! Squeak squeak!
Absolute Tuning Fork: -- A huge tuning fork that hides the power to destroy the entire world with resonance, if used by someone who has mastered the art of tuning. It’s also good for drying out laundry.
Plumbus: -- Well, it's either a sex toy or a shower aid. Or both. Probably both. At least it comes with an owner's manual.
Golden Crab Statuette: -- It has an engravement that says “In loving memory”.
Gemmie Award: -- This seems like some sort of award for television?
Golden Airplane: -- A golden sculpture said to represent a plane or spaceship. It was found in ruins in Colombia dated to around 1,000 CE, indicating to some that this represents an "OOPArt".
Wizard Hat: -- A big pointy blue and silver hat! For commanding mystical energies, or maybe just looking like a dork.
Harmonica: -- A silver harmonica.
100 Bouncy Balls: -- They're not even in a container--they simply bounce out and all over the floor. Clean up on aisle seven? x2
Corn Dog Nuggets: -- They're like pigs in a blanket, except somehow three times unhealthier.
Vuvuzela: -- A large horn thBWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Glitter Bomb: -- An unmarked tube that explodes in a cloud of glitter when opened
Boomerang: -- A special quadboomerang that resembles two thick steaks tied together.
Lovers' Spaghetti: -- A fresh and hot plate of spaghetti, made to be shared with your loved one.
Abacus: -- A standard tool used to make calculations.
Sandbag: -- A small sandbag. It only weighs a few pounds.
Sing-A-Ma-Jig: -- Your fuzzy singing pal!
Fridge Poetry Kit: -- Now you too can make nonsensical poems or leave really disjointed messages on any handy metal surface!
Rations: -- A set of military rations. At least they’ll never go bad?
Freeze-Dried Ice Cream: -- Pretend you’re an astronaut! Only available in vanilla, but there's an ad on the back for other flavors. (took a bite of and then discarded)
Gold Chains: -- Symbolic of your faith to a higher power.
Face Wash: -- A scent-free daily face wash.
Sanic the Hawtdawg Plush: -- An ill-advised tie-in toy to an even more ill-advised movie. The eyes haunt you.
Modest Clothes -- A pair of full-length black pants and a loose-fitting white turtleneck. It looks like something from an incredibly repressed futuristic society.
Sand: -- It's not even in a jar. It's coarse and rough and you know the rest... x2
An Actual Live Chicken: -- HOLY SHIT WHY WAS THIS HERE IT'S GETTING FEATHERS EVERYWHERE wHAT THE FUCK (Brought to the Petting Zoo)
Insect Repellent: -- A acrid smelling liquid that will repel insects for a few hours if sprayed on something. It is safe for skin! Most skin! Human skin.
Giant Eraser: -- For getting rid of big mistakes.
Punk Jeans: -- A pair of black skinny jeans torn and safety pinned back together so thoroughly, you’re not sure how much of the fabric is left. But hey, they fit!
Red Beanie: -- It’s got a smiley face and a distinctively feline twinge to its design.
Red Wig: -- A curly red wig. Wearing it makes you feel hopeful.
Magic 8-Ball: -- Tell your fortune, as vaguely as possible. x2
Instant Ramen: -- A packet of instant ramen. Just add hot water and stir in the flavor packet for a basic college staple.
Fun Home Flyer: -- An advertisement for the Bechdel Funeral Home. You think that's where your friends' bodies went?
Crystals: -- You've found your frequency! These pretty (color) crystals speak to you. What do they say? "Buy more crystals."
Fishing Pole: -- A lovely activity for a father and child. x3 (dropped at the fishing shop)
Live Bait: -- A styrofoam cup just… full of worms. In case you want to go fishing, or pull a really mean prank! (dropped at the fishing shop)
Banana Peel: -- Careful you don't slip on it.
Odd Telephone: -- An odd black telephone. If you pick it up, you can hear a chorus of voices on the other end asking for "Bobby" in a variety of different ways. They won't respond to anything you say.
Roller Slippers: -- Slippers with a small wheel installed in each heel. They were invented to move easily around the house, but there is absolutely no demand for them.
Foot Spa: -- A machine that helpfully provides a much-needed foot massage. (moved to the actual spa)
Fluffy Socks: -- You can never have enough.
Ancient Tour Tickets: -- Two tickets that advertise "a whirlwind tour of Mu with the Ancients for four days and three nights!"
Lotion: -- A scent-free lotion, moisturizing for both face and body. (x3)
Hand Bra: -- Who the heck left this in here? It almost seems like it belongs in a whole other world.
Zantetsuken: -- A sword that can't even cut through iron. Or flesh. Or anything, really. In other words, totally useless...
Bootleg Bear Plush: -- A plush of some strange bear that’s black on its right side and white on its left, with one poorly-stitched red eye. Who is he? Why is he here? He has a terrible aura...
Chicken Suit: -- That's no man, THAT'S A GIANT CHICKE wait, no, it actually is just a weird suit. x2
Origami Instructions: -- A book of instructions on how to fold paper into cool things! Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually come with any paper. x3
Rubber Mask: -- REMEMBER ME, EDDIE?
Sopor Slime Pie: -- This. This looks radioactive. Who would ever actually eat this. If you do, you're gonna be doing nothing much for a few hours.
Toy Truck: -- A toy truck with a little rocket affixed to the top - blast off to Pizza Planet!
Quinao Quties: -- An adorable stuffed animal that resembles a bat. Better collect them all, they might really be worth something one day!
Odyssey Brand Condoms: -- Ultra durable for the long haul. These ones are blue raspberry flavored! x2
Otamatone: -- Play it as loud as possible to annoy your friends. x2
My Son: -- Your son now. (lollipops kept, rest discarded)
Halo Holder: -- Crude headwear consisting of a headband and a clothes hanger. The halo it holds isn't real, but it catches the light pretty nicely.
Doc Terminus's Miracle Cure: -- What is this? Smells like piss. Looks like piss. This is piss. Piss with ink.
Trumpet: -- It's a trumpet, for people who like to toot their own horn.
Possum Park Hat: -- A hat that looks like some sort of dead upside-down possum.
Bolt DVD Set: -- A DVD of a show about a dog who has superpowers. It's a shame you can't play this.
Rockport Signature Brand Conditioner: -- A 16oz bottle of conditioner that smells of kiwi.
Luigi Portait: -- Framed and adorned with a banner that reads “NEMESIS”.
Pirate Hook: -- Huh, hopefully no one will be needing this.
Cross: -- A simple black wood cross hung on a string of glass beads. x2
Conch Shell: -- A seashell that lets you hear the sea if you hold it to your ear. Does not predict the future.
Edelweiss: -- A small white flower contained in a glass vial. It'll greet you every morning.
The Ultimate Treasure: -- A pair of tickets, apparently to a show called Hamilton. Gamzee slides them over with an odd air of reverence. x2
Hatbox: -- It's... an empty hatbox. Huh.
Don Juan Triumphant: -- The book and music to a show called "Don Juan Triumphant".
Freeze-Dried Ice Cream: -- Pretend you’re an astronaut! Only available in vanilla, but there's an ad on the back for other flavors.
Personal Lubricant: -- A small bottle of some kind of slick gel. It tastes like lemon lime.
Cup Noodle: -- The perfect, self-contained meal. In delicious beef variety.
Onepiece: -- A simple one piece women's swimsuit. Not actually all that sought after by pirates.
Baguette: -- MARIE! THE BAGUETTES! HURRY UP! x2
Half-mask: -- An elegant mask that once covered the Lady’s face. Very steampunk, but light and striking. A gift from Lucrezia.
Mink Coat: -- An oversized coat. Wearing this makes you feel like killing adorable puppies.
Thresh Prince Poster: -- A large poster for an old TV show starring Troll Will Smith. x2
A Crystal Skull: -- A skull carved from pure rock crystal. Some think skulls like this were created hundreds of years ago, perhaps with alien intervention.
Non-Descript Golden Man Award: -- A gold statue of a blank man, sized to be held in one hand! A sign on the bottom says it’s for… Best Grandma? Unfortunately it’s not even made out of gold, it’s just gold-painted bronze.
Table with Human Legs: -- Good craftsmanship, but are those taxidermied Frankenstein legs? Too cursed for an image. A gift from Shin.
Demon Angel Princess Figure: -- A collectible figure of Princess Piggles, the popular heroine from "Demon Angel Pretty Pudgy Princess".
Memorabilia Shirt: -- "I survived Wonderland and all I got was this lousy shirt."
Gershwin Groundhogs Mascot Suit: -- A mascot suit for those of you who have always wondered what it's like to predict the weather. It's old, a bit musty and threadbare in a few places but comes with a full body suit and mascot head. One size fits all. x2
Unnecessarily Douchey Outfit: -- Comes with the pants in olive; you really feel like somebody probably wore this to a gathering where nobody wanted to see them. A gift from Subete.
Luxo Ball: -- This yellow bouncy ball comes with a red star and blue stripe design.
Unfun Dip: -- This colorful packet contains a delicious Lick-A-Stick and a bunch of strange black powder, which the packaging claims is one of 76 fun flavors! Can you solve the mystery?
Inflatable Crocodile: -- An inflatable crocodile that one can lounge on! Love the crocodile. Be the crocodile.
Inflatable Swimming Pool: -- A blue rubber swimming pool. Too bad it doesn't come with an air pump to inflate it with.
Special Apple: -- An apple which has been crossbred with horseradish.
Berserker Armor: -- Donning this armor bestows the wearer with immense power, but at the cost of their soul and senses.
Toxic Waste Barrel: -- Maybe you should just dispose of this. Quickly. x2
Adorable Reactions Collection: -- A DVD that contains footage of people reacting to various pieces of art.
Green Origami Rose: -- It's just an ordinary origami rose, but who wants a green flower, anyway? A gift from Subete.
Lemonade Apple: -- This oblong imposter from New Zealand’s Yummy Fruit Company does not taste like lemonade. It does, however, taste like a regular apple that was accidentally dropped in lemonade. This may come as a disappointment since, with its bright yellow exterior and snappy branding, you’d expect the Lemonade Apple to send you into a citrusy vortex of cockeyed hysterics, forcing your brain to cope with a contradiction of fruity discord that leaves you penniless and naked on a street corner begging pedestrians to slap you back into what you once considered reality. However, maybe we don’t need such extremities in these troubled times. Great for gift bags! x2
Dinglehopper: -- Humans use these little babies to straighten their hair out. See? Just a little twirl here and a yank there and voila.
Target Practice: -- A target from a shooting range. This one depicts a figure wearing a tall hat of some sort. There's a bullet hole through the head.
Hello, My Name Is ____: -- An empty nametag, with some glitter markers and fun stickers to decorate it.
Mini Sun Lamp: -- A miniature sun lamp. It perfectly imitates the conditions of Earth sunlight, but it's no substitute for the real thing.
Hat Trick: -- A snazzy purple tophat. x2
Tumbleweed: -- A dried-out plant seen in many Western films. If they pile up around your yard, just toss 'em off a cliff or something.
Conch Shell: -- A seashell that lets you hear the sea if you hold it to your ear. Does not predict the future.
Rockport Signature Brand Conditioner: -- A 16oz bottle of conditioner that smells like honey.
Rations: -- A set of military rations. At least they’ll never go bad?
Colonel Sassacre's Guide: -- You could kill a cat with this thing.
Monster Finger Puppets: -- Everyone loves these guys!
Magic 8-Ball: -- Tell your fortune, as vaguely as possible.
Pair of Stained-Glass Doors: -- IT'S JUST A WHOLE-ASS PAIR OF DOORS (NICELY MADE AND ANTIQUE), WHY ARE THESE IN HERE? A gift from Subete.
Lemon: -- This is a lemon.
The Niquened Cagellow: -- A lovely pillow with red sequense on one side. Don't worry about what happens if you run your hands over those sequins...
Oxy-Clean: -- BILLY MAYS HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT OXY-CLEAN-
A Weed: -- something something green crayon
Ten-Gallon Hat: -- A hat perfect for wearing in a western - or on stage singing country music. Yeehaw!
Rubber Ducky: -- You know the one. It makes bathtime fun! Squeak squeak!
Absolute Tuning Fork: -- A huge tuning fork that hides the power to destroy the entire world with resonance, if used by someone who has mastered the art of tuning. It’s also good for drying out laundry.
Plumbus: -- Well, it's either a sex toy or a shower aid. Or both. Probably both. At least it comes with an owner's manual.
Golden Crab Statuette: -- It has an engravement that says “In loving memory”.
Gemmie Award: -- This seems like some sort of award for television?
Golden Airplane: -- A golden sculpture said to represent a plane or spaceship. It was found in ruins in Colombia dated to around 1,000 CE, indicating to some that this represents an "OOPArt".
Wizard Hat: -- A big pointy blue and silver hat! For commanding mystical energies, or maybe just looking like a dork.
Harmonica: -- A silver harmonica.
100 Bouncy Balls: -- They're not even in a container--they simply bounce out and all over the floor. Clean up on aisle seven? x2
Corn Dog Nuggets: -- They're like pigs in a blanket, except somehow three times unhealthier.
Vuvuzela: -- A large horn thBWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Glitter Bomb: -- An unmarked tube that explodes in a cloud of glitter when opened
Boomerang: -- A special quadboomerang that resembles two thick steaks tied together.
Lovers' Spaghetti: -- A fresh and hot plate of spaghetti, made to be shared with your loved one.
Abacus: -- A standard tool used to make calculations.
Sandbag: -- A small sandbag. It only weighs a few pounds.
Sing-A-Ma-Jig: -- Your fuzzy singing pal!
Fridge Poetry Kit: -- Now you too can make nonsensical poems or leave really disjointed messages on any handy metal surface!
Rations: -- A set of military rations. At least they’ll never go bad?
Freeze-Dried Ice Cream: -- Pretend you’re an astronaut! Only available in vanilla, but there's an ad on the back for other flavors. (took a bite of and then discarded)
Gold Chains: -- Symbolic of your faith to a higher power.
Face Wash: -- A scent-free daily face wash.
Sanic the Hawtdawg Plush: -- An ill-advised tie-in toy to an even more ill-advised movie. The eyes haunt you.
Modest Clothes -- A pair of full-length black pants and a loose-fitting white turtleneck. It looks like something from an incredibly repressed futuristic society.
Sand: -- It's not even in a jar. It's coarse and rough and you know the rest... x2
An Actual Live Chicken: -- HOLY SHIT WHY WAS THIS HERE IT'S GETTING FEATHERS EVERYWHERE wHAT THE FUCK (Brought to the Petting Zoo)
Insect Repellent: -- A acrid smelling liquid that will repel insects for a few hours if sprayed on something. It is safe for skin! Most skin! Human skin.
Giant Eraser: -- For getting rid of big mistakes.
Punk Jeans: -- A pair of black skinny jeans torn and safety pinned back together so thoroughly, you’re not sure how much of the fabric is left. But hey, they fit!
Red Beanie: -- It’s got a smiley face and a distinctively feline twinge to its design.
Red Wig: -- A curly red wig. Wearing it makes you feel hopeful.
Magic 8-Ball: -- Tell your fortune, as vaguely as possible. x2
Instant Ramen: -- A packet of instant ramen. Just add hot water and stir in the flavor packet for a basic college staple.
Fun Home Flyer: -- An advertisement for the Bechdel Funeral Home. You think that's where your friends' bodies went?
Crystals: -- You've found your frequency! These pretty (color) crystals speak to you. What do they say? "Buy more crystals."
Fishing Pole: -- A lovely activity for a father and child. x3 (dropped at the fishing shop)
Live Bait: -- A styrofoam cup just… full of worms. In case you want to go fishing, or pull a really mean prank! (dropped at the fishing shop)
Banana Peel: -- Careful you don't slip on it.
Odd Telephone: -- An odd black telephone. If you pick it up, you can hear a chorus of voices on the other end asking for "Bobby" in a variety of different ways. They won't respond to anything you say.
Roller Slippers: -- Slippers with a small wheel installed in each heel. They were invented to move easily around the house, but there is absolutely no demand for them.
Foot Spa: -- A machine that helpfully provides a much-needed foot massage. (moved to the actual spa)
Fluffy Socks: -- You can never have enough.
TRADING/RETURNED
Beans Camo: -- A full outfit fit for camouflaging yourself during Beanfest! Net not included. (Azul)
Lust Cheesecake Factory Menu: -- A spiral-bound tome that never ends! What secrets will you find within? (Lust)
Bullet-Catch Rifle: -- A real rifle that comes with two bullets and instructions on how to perform the dangerous Bullet Catch magic trick. Just make sure the person at the other end is someone you trust with your life. (Aziraphael??)
Leather Bracers: -- A pair of well-made and vaguely futuristic bracers. The initials "P.N." are engraved on them. (Pyrrha)
Mushroom Lapel Pin: -- A birthday pin given to someone who enjoys mushrooms and gardening! (Azul)
Yl'lb Ein the Science Mind boxset: -- It's a box set of a children's edutainment science show, but from the future and with aliens. INERTIA IS A PROPERTY OF MATTER! (Yl'lb?)
Phantom of the Libretto: -- A chunky leather bound tome with a gold plated cover and gilt edged pages. In it, a disfigured genius, sabotaged by a romantic rival, takes on the identity of the Masked Phantasm in order to turn his dainty love interest into a renown opera singer as like, revenge or something? It's kind of a mess and the romance is what the kids these days would call "toxic" or "problematic". Most of the back cover is taken up with some handwritten additions of what looks to basically just be fanfiction of the romantic leads running away into the sunset to be married?? (Orthrus)
Slimer: -- Please be careful, he’s likely to try eating your other regains. (released into the wild thanks Lust)
Small Bottle: -- A small glass bottle with a cork stopper. The glass looks transparent, but shimmers in rainbow colors like a soap bubble every so often. (Moriarty) (Destroyed?)
School Uniform: -- A black blazer-style uniform with a white skirt and pink ribbon. (Anna)
Papers: -- A bundle of letters and notes mostly addressed to Akane and from a handful of people, plus a neat drawing of some kind of magic circle. (Akane/Moriarty?)
Pack of Cigarettes: -- It's generic and exactly what it looks like. Missing one cigarette. (Lust)
Airlocked! The Complete Fourth Season: -- Remastered on SPURAY (Space Blu-ray) and ready for your binging pleasure! Includes several hours of cut bonus content. (Pyrrha)
Weighted Companion Cube: -- The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. (given to Heart)
Otamatone: -- It's an Otamatone. It looks like a music note with a smiley face, but when you squeeze its cheeks it lets out a plaintive whine in varying pitch. (given to Heart)
Cattle Prod: -- An old looking cattle prod, with a thick metal coil around the striking end. (Destroyed)
Wedding Ring: -- A golden ring with "As long as you'll have me" engraved on it. A gift from Franciscus. (Put at the Memorial)
RFA Party Formal: -- Featuring a nice blue shirt, yellow tie, suspenders, and a VIP badge for "Rika's Fundraising Association". (Yoosung)
Photo: -- A polaroid from 1941 that depicts a magician and his slinky-hipped "volunteer" at the end of a successful show. The photo has held up miraculously well for being over 80 years old. (Aziraphael)
The Overseeing Cellphone: -- A pattern-locked iPhone-like device. It probably has some cool games if you can unlock it. (Nina)
Electromagnet: -- A cobbled together electromagnet, made from what looks like a transformer and a battery. (it's Heart's, but it's up for debate whether he's getting it back or not)
Blade of the Mystic: -- A massive greatsword fit for royalty, in tones of silver and blue. A gift from Somnus. (Given to Heart for use in Invest)
Coffin: -- A... coffin? It's carved with an art deco pattern of some kind and locked with an electronic keypad. (Akane)
Coin Purse: -- A little green bag in the shape of this thing. The zipper goes along the creature's mouth . (Lust?)
Champion Barista: -- It's a robotic replica of.......Alton Brown? But it doesn't seem to do much. Maybe if you put it in front of a coffee machine? (Yl'lb--placed in the Earthbucks?)
Wedding Invitations: -- A stack of handwritten, unfinished invitations to the union of "Orthrus and Odysseus, officiated by Orpheus" with no date. Oh hey, there's one addressed to Azul! ...and a crumpled up one for Somnus! (Orthrus)
Shilo’s Horse: -- This horse has participated in murder! It can trot up to 12mph. (Anna)
Eyephone: -- It looks like a normal cellphone, but powering it on will only lead to a black screen with a large unblinking eye on it, and a command stating 'Password?' (Moriarty)
Lust Cheesecake Factory Menu: -- A spiral-bound tome that never ends! What secrets will you find within? (Lust)
Bullet-Catch Rifle: -- A real rifle that comes with two bullets and instructions on how to perform the dangerous Bullet Catch magic trick. Just make sure the person at the other end is someone you trust with your life. (Aziraphael??)
Leather Bracers: -- A pair of well-made and vaguely futuristic bracers. The initials "P.N." are engraved on them. (Pyrrha)
Mushroom Lapel Pin: -- A birthday pin given to someone who enjoys mushrooms and gardening! (Azul)
Yl'lb Ein the Science Mind boxset: -- It's a box set of a children's edutainment science show, but from the future and with aliens. INERTIA IS A PROPERTY OF MATTER! (Yl'lb?)
Phantom of the Libretto: -- A chunky leather bound tome with a gold plated cover and gilt edged pages. In it, a disfigured genius, sabotaged by a romantic rival, takes on the identity of the Masked Phantasm in order to turn his dainty love interest into a renown opera singer as like, revenge or something? It's kind of a mess and the romance is what the kids these days would call "toxic" or "problematic". Most of the back cover is taken up with some handwritten additions of what looks to basically just be fanfiction of the romantic leads running away into the sunset to be married?? (Orthrus)
Slimer: -- Please be careful, he’s likely to try eating your other regains. (released into the wild thanks Lust)
Small Bottle: -- A small glass bottle with a cork stopper. The glass looks transparent, but shimmers in rainbow colors like a soap bubble every so often. (Moriarty) (Destroyed?)
School Uniform: -- A black blazer-style uniform with a white skirt and pink ribbon. (Anna)
Papers: -- A bundle of letters and notes mostly addressed to Akane and from a handful of people, plus a neat drawing of some kind of magic circle. (Akane/Moriarty?)
Pack of Cigarettes: -- It's generic and exactly what it looks like. Missing one cigarette. (Lust)
Airlocked! The Complete Fourth Season: -- Remastered on SPURAY (Space Blu-ray) and ready for your binging pleasure! Includes several hours of cut bonus content. (Pyrrha)
Weighted Companion Cube: -- The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. (given to Heart)
Otamatone: -- It's an Otamatone. It looks like a music note with a smiley face, but when you squeeze its cheeks it lets out a plaintive whine in varying pitch. (given to Heart)
Wedding Ring: -- A golden ring with "As long as you'll have me" engraved on it. A gift from Franciscus. (Put at the Memorial)
RFA Party Formal: -- Featuring a nice blue shirt, yellow tie, suspenders, and a VIP badge for "Rika's Fundraising Association". (Yoosung)
Photo: -- A polaroid from 1941 that depicts a magician and his slinky-hipped "volunteer" at the end of a successful show. The photo has held up miraculously well for being over 80 years old. (Aziraphael)
The Overseeing Cellphone: -- A pattern-locked iPhone-like device. It probably has some cool games if you can unlock it. (Nina)
Electromagnet: -- A cobbled together electromagnet, made from what looks like a transformer and a battery. (it's Heart's, but it's up for debate whether he's getting it back or not)
Blade of the Mystic: -- A massive greatsword fit for royalty, in tones of silver and blue. A gift from Somnus. (Given to Heart for use in Invest)
Coffin: -- A... coffin? It's carved with an art deco pattern of some kind and locked with an electronic keypad. (Akane)
Coin Purse: -- A little green bag in the shape of this thing. The zipper goes along the creature's mouth . (Lust?)
Champion Barista: -- It's a robotic replica of.......Alton Brown? But it doesn't seem to do much. Maybe if you put it in front of a coffee machine? (Yl'lb--placed in the Earthbucks?)
Wedding Invitations: -- A stack of handwritten, unfinished invitations to the union of "Orthrus and Odysseus, officiated by Orpheus" with no date. Oh hey, there's one addressed to Azul! ...and a crumpled up one for Somnus! (Orthrus)
Shilo’s Horse: -- This horse has participated in murder! It can trot up to 12mph. (Anna)
Eyephone: -- It looks like a normal cellphone, but powering it on will only lead to a black screen with a large unblinking eye on it, and a command stating 'Password?' (Moriarty)
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